Urgh, what is wrong with me? It seems that it's that time of year again where I seem to fall into some sort of depressive state - of which I have no idea why. Always seems to happen in mid-August and I don't know why. I still maintain a strong humourous front online (besides this post) so that people think I'm always happy and smiling, however for some reason I'm breaking down inside. As I once described it to a friend, "I feel like I'm a lonely iceberg just floating in an ocean of unknown-ness".
Nothing's really happened to put me in this state - yeah my cat of 13 years had to be put down a few months ago, but I got over that after a day or two of crying - still shocks me how quickly she went when she was given the "injection" (oh and the loud fart that was released when her muscles had relaxed afterwards). Anyways back to where I was, yeah so there's that and a few other things but I don't think they're the reason for it... or are they? *shrugs* Oh I don't know... just thought though I'd open up a bit and explain it on here as I normally keep it all inside and have people saying to me "What's up Dale, you're not your normal self", to which I reply "I'm fine, I'm fine" knowing that I'm not though.
If I could pin-point why I'm feeling down then I could help myself - and let others help me too, as I know I've got a select few people that will help me at anytime of day - they'd probably be pissed off if it was 4am though - but they're there, however as I said a while ago... I don't actually know what's causing it. Maybe it's the lack of employment or the lack of a social life now (as everyone seems to be working all the time and I'm left doing nothing) or it could be people that have came into my life and things haven't worked out. I don't know... but whatever it is, I'm sure it'll pass - like it does year in, year out. I actually thought yesterday when I went to sleep - as I was feeling like it then - that I'd wake up feeling much better, but nope, once again I feel even worse.
Most people will probably now say to me something aloing the lines of "Find something to occupy yourself with", which to be honest, there's nothing. Yesterday I went for a walk in the woods hoping ot find stashed cash or a body part, but didn't... only found a golf ball, a glove and a pair of stained boxers. Even though it was doing something different, I still felt "lost". Oh woe is me... suppose I better just sit in my room and let it all pass over in the next few days.
Sorry for rambling on, just thought I'd start being a bit more open and get this off my chest.(Oh talking of my chest, I have an appointment to see my Surgeon on September 27th to see if the bar stays in for another year or finally gets taken out).