4th Nov 2018 08:48am
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Sobriety [Day 22 - Day 28]

Monday, glorious Monday. A cold one to wake up to too. Sadly the grass has not turned crisp and frosty white though. I always find that a beautiful sight to see when surrounding fields are just pure white - be it from frost or from snowfall - they always look picturesque.

I've been getting a bit bored recently with the current playlist on my mobile device (I can't walk down the town to and from my day programmes and/or meetings without some sort of music playing), so I spent a few moments rejigging what is on my device and whacking a handful of different songs on there. I prefer listening to my music offline, and as I don't have a Spotify Premium account, the 'hacked' version of Spotify I have doesn't allow offline playback (sadly), so I have to rely on having the audio on the device. Doesn't take long anyway, just fire up Deezloader, get what I want, then drag and drop onto my device. Simples.

The Day Programme started with the usual 'opening round', but with a mental twist, instead of introducing ourselves and saying how our weekend has been, how we're currently feeling, etc., we had to ask the person next to us those questions, then try and remember what they answered and let the rest of the group know afterwards, so it was a task to get our cogs turning first thing. I written my stuff down to make it easier... wasn't told we couldn't. ;)

Attended the evening AA session, but it was different to the other sessions. Normally there's a share from someone, then others share their stuff. On a Monday it's a Big Book Study meeting, so a section of the AA book is read out, then that section is broken down, analysed and then explained how it applies to the person running the group. It's very interesting to hear.

Tuesday, a day I had been looking forward to for over a week because one of the Others were finishing at rehab and moving on to the next step, which means that they're allowed out and about, and they wanted to meet up. So once my Day Programme finished, I received a call from him saying that he'll be ready to meet in around 45 minutes, so I had three-quarters of an hour to kill so I decided to go and have my hair cut. Now I'm a cheapskate at the best of times and must've spent half of that 45 minutes hunting around town for somewhere that cuts hair for less than £10. After searching, I found somewhere that did cuts for £8.

Met up with him and we went for something to eat, then had a look around the shops and then ventured to an evening meeting - although this was a slightly different meeting, it was held at the Church I attend on a Sunday, and was called 'Believers in Recovery'. It was slightly more on the religious side of things, but I'm open and accepting of/to anything, and so are they. You don't have to believe in a 'god' or a bearded man on a cloud or even a 'higher power' (whatever that may be in your eyes), and that's one thing I'm enjoying from all this too, even when the 'god' word is used, it's in a more 'generic term' way for whatever you hold above anything else that's helping you focus, heck, it could even just be a tree in a certain field.

Wednesday was a busy day, which was good as it's my day off from my Day Programme and I fear that boredom might cause me to fall back a bit, but luckily it was an early start meeting up with my buddy and a couple of other lads too and we started the day off with a morning AA meeting, then after that we went around the shops - picked up some fireworks from Poundland and lit one on the beach to see what it was like (it was like a crackly fountain type of thing, not bad really for a quid). Then the lads thinned out and I spent some time with my buddy before I had my appointment with my keyworker.

Spoke to my keyworker about how things are going and what I'm doing and how I'm feeling, etc. And she's really pleased with my progress so far. She's also booked me in to see the medical prescriber person too next Tuesday, so I can get some Acamprosate and also get some Antabus[e] (as a precaution). So that's all good. Once that appointment had finished, I met back up with the lads at the indoor ping-pong parlour in the local shopping centre, then we ventured to meeting number two of the day, which was an NA meeting. Once that finished, some went to the college for a computer course, whilst me and my buddy went to meeting number three of the day, this one was the evening AA meeting. After that finished I walked my buddy home, said my goodbyes and then power-walked it back home - stopping off at ASDA on the way back because I was busting for a tinkle.

I am starting to have a slight concern though, actually I noticed it starting a few days back... I'm starting to get a bit ratty/bitter/'old bloke in the corner of a pub moaning'. It's only about small things, but in time these small things - when not spoke about - grow into big things and become a menace. The small things at the moment are:

- Loudspeakers on mobile devices being used

- People who use their mobile (talking, texting, or even just checking it) in a cinema

- People who talk to their mates during a film at the cinema, then a few minutes afterwards ask them 'oh what just happened there?'

- People who just don't listen when you tell them something (I *hate* having to repeat myself or tell people I've already told you)

Maybe I'm just getting on a bit now or maybe the 'new me' honeymoon period is starting to wear off and reality is starting to kick back in? Who knows. But hopefully getting those annoyances out there by putting them in this post might help, failing that, I'll have to speak to one of the loads of people whose numbers I've garnered over the previous week and a half.

Thursday started a bit apt considering what I had already pre-written about Wednesday. The first topic of the day at my Day Programme was about 'anger'. I reeled off the [Wednesday] list (above) and then all of a sudden more things that piss me off came out, including:

- People in front of you in a queue that seem to discuss their whole life story to the cashier whilst you're waiting to be served

- People who repeat the same thing day in, day out

- People who suddenly stop in front of you in the street

- Children (in general)

- Pushchairs

- Babies

- People who repeat the same thing day in, day out

- People who think you're interested in seeing their 1,000 images of their holiday, kids, Facebook selfies etc.

- British people who Americanise their spellings (Only one exception is the use of 'Mom' over 'Mum', as it's 'MOther', not 'MUther')

- Simple grammatical errors

- Simple spelling errors (and people who use the "but I'm dyslexic" load of bullshite, in your case you're not dyslexic, you're just thick - it's 'queue' not 'que', it's 'aisle' not 'ile')

- People who repeat the same thing day in, day out

- Shops that have eight to ten tills, yet only have one person working on them during peak time (i.e. lunchtime)

The list will no doubt grow as time goes on. That last one in the list was added after I experienced it today during lunch time in Wilko. I only have a 30 minute lunch break and all I wanted was a chocolate bar. I spent 20 minutes in the queue. Barely had enough time to actually eat my lunch. After lunch time had finished the session we had was a bit more laid back and humourous, but then from nowhere a random valium tablet was spotted on the floor of the room - whose was it? A majority of us had a hunch as this person seemed different today, but it was handed over to a staff member who safely disposed of it. I did think up on the finding of that tablet that we were all going to end up having to do a spot piss-test (which they do on random occasions, and if anything is found in your system, then you're off the programme)

Once the Day Programme was done, I was picked up by a friend and spent the afternoon having a catch up, a McDonald's, and browsing around some shops. It was good to have a catch up as they hadn't seen me since I have been out of rehab and they noticed a difference in me (the good side of things, not the random 'moaning old bastard' phase I seem to be entering). I was then dropped off at my evening meeting (AA) where I met up with my buddy and another friend and I also got to see some of the Others too, which was brilliant. Well, the end of the week looms, but I have plenty of plans for the weekend, so I won't become bored.

Friday's topic at the Day Programme was about stress, I feel they have planned the programme around me - hah. It's all very relatable at the moment. The conversations throughout the session though were informative and funny too. I have taken a lot away to process from this weeks groups, which has helped me. The second half of the Day Programme was more a mass debate about if we've lied during recovery to get our own way, I mentioned about telling someone to "fuck off and shove it up your arse" when they kept asking for a cigarette or 'twos' when I tried to say I didn't have many left (I had a brand spanking pack of 20 in my other pocket), but I'm unsure if that's lying or just generally being assertive? I've been walked over too many times, so it's only fair I start standing my ground.

After the Day Programme, I hooked up with my buddy and went to his for a bit. He made us something to eat, then we watched a couple of episodes of Misfits, then I went home for a chill-out for a couple of hours before the evening meeting (AA). The evening meeting was very busy and before I knew it the meeting had come to a finish. The main share had a few similarities as myself, but not in the same way, so I couldn't quite relate as I hadn't experienced what the sharer had experienced. After finishing the meeting, I spoke on the phone to a friend (that is also in recovery) and then stuffed my face with a lovely pizza before falling asleep.

Woke up an hour later than I normally do, but the Saturday AA meeting wasn't until 1pm, so I didn't need to rush around. I attended the meeting, which as it's a Saturday afternoon, contains quite a fair few new faces which is always good to see and hear from (if they end up sharing). Spent a few hours back at home catching up with a few episodes of things on the BBC iPlayer and also The Chris Moyles Show on Radio X.

After catching up with those, I was picked up and taken to Clevedon with a mate of mine to watch the firework display there - first 'main display' of the season. Plenty of decent fireworks and thankfully the rain held off, so that was all good. After the display I ended up having a light meal consisting of a whole pizza, four pieces of garlic bread, 11 onion rings and a whole corn on the cob followed by a Magnum ice cream. Can't say I'm not eating much these days, having my appetite back is really strange. The consumption of all that food pretty much put me in a 'food coma' the second my head touched the pillow.

Last day of the week[end] and I woke at 8am. I really need to sort that out, as I was originally waking at 7am. Can't be dealing with slipping out of the routine that I actually enjoyed whilst in rehab, so that will be the task for this coming week - try to return to waking at 7am, even if that requires me to set alarms. Sundays are a fairly easy-going day, which is a nice(ish) way to finish the week off. Church service at 11am, then a meeting (NA) later in the evening, plus there's a large firework display, but I'm unsure of the timing of that and if it will clash. Same as tomorrow, there's another firework display, but that too may clash with a meeting.

Church was a random one. Started off with the usual dancing songs, then went into a baptism. The person doing the baptism ended up mentioning during this service the March 2018 French terrorist attack and also the fatal November 2011 M5 multiple-vehicle crash... very weird -and dark- things to use as analogies. After Church I popped into Waitrose to get an energy drink only to be ID'd (thankfully I always carry my passport around with me). Some people would be pissed about getting ID'd for an energy drink (16+), but for me I always take it as a compliment, especially as I'll be turning 31 this coming Wednesday (7th November). Wonder how many other random things will happen throughout the rest of the day?

So, this coming week consists of firework displays, my official birthday (Wednesday), my 30 days/month of sobriety (Wednesday), my State birthday (Sunday), Remembrance Day (Sunday), meetings galore, appointment with the prescriber (so I can get some Antabus[e] and some more Acamprosate) (Tuesday) and my Day Programme (Mon, Tue, Thu and Friday). So it's going to be a fairly busy -and strange- week.

(Day 22: Mon 29th Oct - Day 28: Sun 4th Nov)

[ « Day 15 - 21 ]

(UPDATED: 14:24)

 

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