Those that know me, be it in real life or from the usual constant mentions of it on Twitter will know that I enjoy a drink, and I am the type that once I start I will not stop until I have ran out of funds or have fallen asleep - usually always the latter. Well, it has been 12 years since I started drinking and it was lovely. The feeling of it was great. I have never been an agressive drinker, I have always been a quiet drinker - when it takes hold, I retreat quietly in the corner. However as the years went on, my intake grew due to my body gaining a tolerence towards it.
By the time I was running a pub it was part of my normal routine, wake up then pour myself a snakebite (half cider, half lager) and black[currant]. And that would be from 7/8am, and I'd drink that until I went to sleep, which was usually 2/3am. I never got pissed from it though, even when I was on Tramadol for my chest. My tolerence had built up massively.
Fast forward many years to the present, I'm now hooked on alcohol... well, I say hooked, it's more I'm dependent on it. When I wake in the morning, I'm rattling, sweating, and having pains in my chest. The only thing that stops these effects is to drink. When I'm at home, I don't mind drinking the second I wake up, so that in an hour or so after starting, my body starts to settle. When I am at my partners though, I try and hold off until after midday to have a drink because I don't want to look like an embarrassing excuse of a human being.
Just over a month ago I did join Addaction, within the town, and they're helping me give up the booze. I do enjoy the Monday and Friday morning group sessions - even though when I first joined I said I didn't want to do group sessions. I did say that I'd give ONE session a go and see what it's like, and I've been going to all of them since, so that just shows how good they are. And it's nice to see familiar faces each week too - that helps too, because you feel comfortable and know where they are in their journey too, and they also know where I am currently at too.
The group sessions are very helpful, especially if you've got something on your chest that you need to get out. I've found them very good for talking and explaining to others how things are, like that I don't really have anyone close to me that actually supports me in a sense. The usual responses from those close are "it's your own fault" or "why don't you just stop" are not very helpful at all because it's not as easy, simple and safe enough to do so, especially on the intake volume I'm consuming, and I must also stress that I'm not after sympathy, it's just support.
At the moment, I've been attending the group sessions, I've been seeing my keyworker and we've put together a plan of action for recovery, and I've had my blood tests done (I say tests because the cack-useless doctors here wanted me back again for another test). The centre have all my results and they've been passed on, along with the paperwork, and hopefully sometime this coming week I should get a call from the medical staff to arrange my detox assessment and then get me into an in-patient rehab facility for a fortnight (and unlike Amy Winehouse, I'm saying "yes, yes, yes").
So, fingers crossed, it shouldn't be long until I'll be nice and safely sober. Obviously after the initial detox stuff, I will then be having an intensive aftercare programme for 12 weeks to prevent me from relapsing and to help focus on my next steps in life. Honestly thinking though, it's going to be hard and be a weird feeling being sober for my birthday, Christmas and New Year.
The support I've received online (on Twitter, as I've not mentioned this yet until today on Facebook) in such a short time has been overwhelming, and it has all been greatly appreciated. Especially because of how open and honest I've been about the journey I'm currently going through, I try and keep everyone up to date with what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, etc. And I have also made an online version of my [paper] Drinker's Diary that I have to fill in daily, that keeps track of how many units a day I'm taking in.
You can freely view it here: My Drinking Journal.
If you've not got bored or lost interest of what has been posted above and have made it down this far, then thank you for taking the time to read. And one final sentence/statement... "I will do this".