6th Jun 2012 09:03am
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From now on I will avoid going into a swimming pool, a lake - for a spot of midnight nude swimming, and a bath. Oh and also may I add, I'm glad I've not got a vagina either. Why? Well it's all thanks to the recent 2012 film, Piranha 3DD.

It originally was supposed to be released last year, but for some reason was post-poned until 2012 and was released last month for us here in the UK (11th May) and 1st June for the US. The film starts with two blokes heading out into some waters at night time - no idea why anyone would at that time of night - and they come across some strange cow thing which they decide to stab in the stomach, to which this moo-cow ejects a random ball out of its bum with a childish fart sound (ok, it had me laughing). The creature continued to fart and with the obvious smell, one bloke decides to light a lighter to burn the smell away and well the obvious happens... yes, an explosion.

After that we get treated to a fair bit of nudity - and that's not just nipple... you actually see ladies gruff too (so don't get watching this while eating your breakfast). The nudity and the other millions of women in bikini's are all part of a waterpark which was left to Maddy (played by Danielle Panabaker) and her step-Father Chet (played by David Koechner) in a 49%/51% split respectively. Because Chet has this slightly higher split he over rules Maddy's decision to no go ahead with the opening of the waterparks "Big Wet" feature which is attended by The Hoff (oh yes, their budget has really stretched in this film with David Hasselhoff), even after several incidents and reports of piranhas are given. Two sets of Maddy's friends are involved with them - including one piranha swimming up a vagina and into the stomach of one girl, who then wants to lose her vaginity because she doesn't want to die a virgin (-.-) and during intercourse the piranha decides to latch onto the lads penis, in which he then chops off with a knife.

Piranha 3DDAfter these incidents had happened Chet decides to pump water from underground water reserves in a bid to save money, but in doing so unleashes the piranhas into the swimming complex. While everyone is being attacked, The Hoff does a recreation of the famous Baywatch/Slow Run/I'll Be Ready scene, but fails. Miserably.

The film in itself does seem a bit low-budget and seems to have a dodgy storyline, BUT on the up side there is one character (a slightly main one) called Barry and he basically has had a secret crush on Maddy since school, well lets just say Barry (played by Matt Bush) is a very good looking sexy lad (if I were a piranha, I know where I'd like to bite first, I can tell you that!). So with a slight mix of cheesy horror, sprinkling of comedy and Matt Bush, all in all the film is quite good. I would've gave it a 2/5, but because Matt Bush is in it, I'm giving it a 3.5/5.

Piranha 3DD Rating: 3.5/5

Go watch Piranha 3DD now at your local cinema (it's available in UK, US, but not sure about other areas).

 

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